My morning sickness

Since getting that first profile opportunity we have been called 5 more times with opportunities. C has since decided to parent, another woman only wanted to consider AA or biracial couples, K has yet to make any decisions, T selected another couple and we had to turn down 2 cases due to lots of risks and/or finances. The good news is that LOTS of baby girls are going to be placed in the next couple of months, and we have been profiled a TON in the last few weeks! We never expected to receive so many opportunities and definitely not in such a short period of time. All of the cases have been transracial, and with each one I get more and more excited about that potential. But today's call was particularly difficult. A few days ago we got called about an opportunity which we ended up turning down. Then later that day we got called about T. T's situation was one that we were very comfortable with and excited about. We were even more excited that we were only up against 3 other couples. Over the weekend I felt all kinds of connection to T and this baby. And then we got another call this morning about another opportunity. When Shannon finally called back she told me that she had some news about T as well. T had selected a couple and was moving forward with them. My heart sank. But then I thought, well, maybe this next opportunity will make up for it. As Shannon started to tell me about J, I knew failry quickly that it was not the situation for us. Too many risks, some of which we are not even open to on our grids. And she also wants a closed adoption. So to say that this phone call was disappointing is a MAJOR understatement. I feel like I was kicked after I was knocked down. I knew we wouldn't move forward with J but I couldn't even voice that to Shannon at that minute. I just tried to focus on not crying in front of my coworkers. This part of the journey stinks. It really does. I know that our daughter will find us when the time is right and when she does it'll all be worth it. I know that. But right now what I feel is utter sadness. I have been handling all these calls really well. But this call today hit me especially hard, and sorta unexpectedly. I think I thought that since only 4 couples were being profiled for T, that we would have a REALLY good chance at getting selected. But then a friend reminded me: "In reality, you didn't stand a chance, regardless of the numbers, simply because she wasn't yours. But know she IS out there waiting for the perfect time. And it won't matter how many other families are profiled. You will be selected because she is YOURS." She is right. God has a plan. And as Jay said this morning, He already knows who our daughter is. Still, this is hard. The same friend who said those wise words above also told me this: "This is your morning sickness, heartburn, swollen feet, sleepless nights and labor all wraPped in one". This is our journey to our daughter through adoption. It is, as it was for both of our boys. But different still. But we have the benefit of seeing miracles happen, of knowing from experience that the babies meant for us will find us. So we will hold onto that. Even through this difficult day.